Crazy Little Thing Called Love
by katiedurkin
Summary: ENJOY X X X


One day, Audrey decided it was a good day to go for a swim in the harbors of Greenock. "Ahh the joys of living near the sea" It was hard for Audrey to relax nowadays, since she'd come out as being a cannibal, people tended to avoid her, apart from her colleagues. Before she knew it, she'd swam to Iceland! She didn't really know what to do so ended up going for a walk in her wetsuit around Iceland. By the time she found a pleasant enough looking bar, She sat down and ordered steaming pot of tea, She was shattered. She drank her tea and went to pay before she realized she was in a wetsuit and didn't have any money. At this time, Audrey wasn't sure her cannibalistic threats would work on people, especially those who have strange customs. She went up to the man, and explained her dilemma but the man just looked at her, Handed her a pigeon and left.

Audrey just knew there was something about this pigeon... this pigeon with silky soft feathers... 'but I've never felt this way about a pigeon before... not even when grandad kept them on his farm... I have to do this' Audrey didn't hesitate further, puckering up her lips, she gentle placed a kiss on the pigeon ruffled feathers and a giant poof of smoke, much to Audrey's surprise, the beautiful pigeon turned into a man; he had a good physique, and Audrey instantly fell in love "I will call you Ndale!" Audrey announced. She knew he was hers to keep. After all, she had made him.

They flew back to England on a Ryan Air plane that kindly accepted Ndale on board without a passport, surprisingly, no questions were asked, or maybe that had something to do with Audrey's cannibal threats. After landing, Audrey took Ndale back to her apartment where her co-workers where waiting, ready to give Audrey a surprise party for her 'work with the church' that she told everyone she was doing. How could she tell her workers and friends that she had fallen in love with a pigeon man?  
Halfway through the party, Everyone was slightly tipsy, after drinking far too much alcohol. Audrey certainly wasn't used to drinking this much. Especially on a school night. She soon found herself break dancing with Micheal Byrne and Nikki Boston. Meanwhile, Ndale had found himself in the back room with the school receptionist, Sonya, as the wanted once said "Learning things you don't learn in the classroom" such as filing and teachers schedules, and not to mention, booking Lorraine's hair appointments.

Audrey woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and an arm outstretched over her body. "What the hell?" she spoke to herself, trying not to wake the unknown body beside her. Audrey rolled out of her bed and quickly, but quietly walked over to the other side of the bed.

"DYNASTY BARRY. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING IN MY BED?" Audrey shouted.

"You really don't remember last night do you Miss? Oh you did seem to be enjoying yourself. Be careful though Miss, You might be a bit sore" Damn. There goes her luck with Ndale, if news got around that she had slept with a student, God knows what would happen...

On the other hand, at the other side of Greenock, Ndale woke with a start as he heard an almighty crash coming from another room. It didn't take him long to realize he was in an unfamiliar surrounding. "This isn't Audrey's flat..." he thought to himself. With a sigh, he picked himself off the bed where he'd been lying and wandered towards where the crash had come from, to see Sonya scooping up a fish bowl that she'd dropped. Ndale rushed over to help her as Sonya looked up adoringly at him, tears brimming in her eyes. "Ndale..." She whispered softly "My...My fish...she's dying... she fell... under the table" She sobbed as she finished her sentence, running into the bathroom. Ndale let his eyes wander over to the table. It was a horrible sight, broken glass everywhere, and then...then he saw it. Sonya's fish Lorraine the 2nd, nicely named after her sister, flopping around on the floor, fins flipping around, mouth opening in a O shape as it gasped for air, or water or whatever it is fish breathe. Ndale was overwhelmed with it all -Coming to terms with the fact he'd slept with Sonya, and then seeing this horrific sight- and started crying. In fact, he was so caught up with it all that he never noticed he was turning back into a pigeon and his nicely proportioned face was now re-growing the beak he once lost, and he was also now the size of a fetus.

Sonya emerged from the bathroom drying her eyes to be met with the sight of a small pigeon stood in her kitchen. The pigeon looked over at her raising his wings and squawked bearing his razor sharp teeth. "NDALE.. HELP ME" She screamed petrified.. "... I have a phobia of birds, PLEASE.. Help me" The last words were nothing but a whisper as bird Ndale flew over to Sonya, and pecked, and pecked and pecked, until Sonya collapsed to the floor, her movements become slower and less frequent.  
Meanwhile, on her way to work, Audrey had decided to nip into Morrisons to buy some granary bread and decided to wander around the meat isle, her favorite thing to do when she needed to calm down, It reminded her that Cannibalism was ok, Humans eat animals all the time, so why can't humans eat other humans? She pondered before her thoughts were interrupted by the chaos that was erupting throughout the store. She barely had time to move when she saw him. Ndale back in his original form. "Ndale.." she shouted "Let me kiss you" luckily everyone had evacuated the store and nobody could hear her insane words. Ndale swooped down to Audrey's side and Audrey began to pucker her lips. But Ndale had other ideas, and in one swift movement. He pecked her right in the temple, blood pouring out of her, and she collapsed. Dead.

Meanwhile Imogen and Kevin had been busy, despite some rumors that had been floating round Waterloo Road lately, they weren't secret agents, Just having an affair, and planned to run away to Hawaii. They'd bought the plane tickets online, because that's what you do nowadays. They have internet so that's possible, and booked the hotel. As they got to school, they noticed all the sixth form students lined up waiting for something. They both quickly realized it was a whole year group bag search, organized by Lorraine, or Miss Donnegan as they knew her, and Nikki, or Miss Boston as the pupils knew her as. They reached the front of the queue and emptied their bags, the plane tickets fluttering out onto the desk. They shot each other a nervous glance, but Imogen might have just been looking slightly embarrassed after she farted... As Lorraine noticed the tickets fall out, she stared at Imogen and Kevin suspiciously, "I know what you are" she thought "You're pale white, and dress in black, and Kevin, You're slightly weedy looking, but also cute" she continued talking to herself in her head "You...You're...agents" She let them go and told them to get to lessons, she'd check their files later.

The next day, neither Kevin or Imogen turned up for school. Nobody suspected a thing, except Lorraine, who had decided to take her girlfriend Nikki out to dinner. She had decided there was something she needed to do, so when they turned up to the exquisite restaurant, and settled down, Lorraine knew what she had to say. She felt the butterflies build up in her stomach. "Nikki, there's something i need to ask you. I've been wanting to ask you for a while, but i never knew how, well until now. Something made me realize I can't do this without you..." Nikki felt her heart rate quickening, she didn't know what to do, she was getting giddy. Lorraine continued "So i need to ask you this..." She was wondering how to say it "Look, what do you do when you suspect your students are secret agents?!" Lorraine blurted out. "Oh my gosh Lorraine! I never thought you'd ask!" Nikki replied, she was overjoyed, she couldn't believe that Lorraine had just asked her what she'd always wanted her to ask. "Well... I.. I-er i guess you find out about it, go find them. Go hunt them down and find out their secret." Nikki was still in shock. "Thanks Nikki. I love you babe" Lorraine was happy she'd finally got that over with. "Oh yeah" She added quickly before she forgot "Nikki, will you marry me?" Lorraine proposed. "Okay yeah sure" Nikki responded, as Lorraine slipped a ring onto her finger. "Look i have to go now but i'll see you when I've finished hunting down the kids, see ya" Lorraine got up and went to her car which was parked stupidly close to the door, by that i mean, in the doorway. Literally. It had been crashed through the wall when Lorraine thought it would fit through the door.

Lorraine knew what she had to do. She needed to find Kevin and Imogen. Last she'd been told, they were going on holiday to Hawaii. But Lorraine was unconvinced. She knew they were secretly secret agents. Well... maybe the plane tickets she found in Imogen's bag were actually just for a holiday but you can never be too sure; technology is moving too quickly, 'you don't know whats legit and whats not nowadays' she thought to herself. So, as she whizzed home in her red Ferrari, thoughts spinning through her mind about Audrey and Sonya being eaten by a pigeon that Audrey had fallen in love with, and two of her students, as suspected agents, it was all too much. She needed to get to the bottom of it, so when she got home, she skipped to the garage happily mounting her Nikki flavored motorbike (She'd had it flavored like Nikki since Audrey introduced her to cannibal technologies, it was like that dulux paint thing where you get whatever colour you want, or that foundation thing, but for flavors) and zoomed off to Hawaii.

* * *

**Any questions about this fanfic ask RitaBotClo or ShutUpStrax **

**YES THIS IS A PARODY BUT WE HOPE YOU LIKE IT. We may add another little chapter in at the end depending on the reviews/follows/favourites x x x**


End file.
